The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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