Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there was a trapeze. enough said
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
