Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
...so i touched it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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