So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
