All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
