I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
