The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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