So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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