apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
third nipple confirmed
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize