so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
