You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
