I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
