Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is classic penis vs brain.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
