This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
