Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
