I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
