am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
