he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I understand Curling. That high.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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