He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
