i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
