I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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