I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
