I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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