I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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