bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
