ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
