did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize