Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't think brook has ever known best
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
