Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
