um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
