Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
