Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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