I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
