She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
