we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize