tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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