I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
