There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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