Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize