Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
