Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
