All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
