Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You ruined the universe
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
