I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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