12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize