It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
