smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
