remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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