You're my little dorito
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I still have a little drunk in my system
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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