So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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