she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
