and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
