i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize