Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
