Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
