i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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