I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
