I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
