You're completely useless in the revolution.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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