i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
