I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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