Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize