Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
