I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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