so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize