So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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