He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
