Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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