So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
