Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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