i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
