it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize