So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
