so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
