finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
