I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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