You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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