It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
