Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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