Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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