apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
