Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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