i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
