I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
