I want you more than these girls want KFC
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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