My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I touched a dick in church today
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
