so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
