My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
