And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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