i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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