You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
