This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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