You smell like a Billy Joel song
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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