Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
