Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
