look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
