i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
